Ridiculous facts

Three of us have Netflix memberships.

We have at least 2 FULL and COMPLETE sets of dishes, yet we only use trashy DI plates, the origin of which no one knows.

We tilled our garden this spring, but never planted it.

A man named Jesus took our mountain of junk (which we cleaned out of the garage when we moved in) to the dump in exchange for...well...contraband. 

Guilty pleasure: showering by candlelight.

We discovered that an unidentified Mexican had been sleeping on our couch for a few weeks only after he sleepwalked into our rooms in the middle of the night babbling about men who were trying to kill him.

We have more kitchen gadgets than you will get at your wedding reception no matter how many items you register.

We found a 4-slice toaster in a box in a suitcase under the basement stairs behind the refrigerator.

We use that toaster now instead of the toaster that came with the house or the one under my bed or the one upstairs...

We have an unopened, unused, brand new microwave...also under the basement stairs behind the refrigerator.

Our bathroom is bright purple.

Jon the fish has an unbreakable will to live.

There are secret doors in our attic. We don't know what's behind them.

Our swamp cooler doesn't work. We run it anyway.

Ridiculous.

Yeehaw!!!

One day Jory had to transcribe some fiddle music for a class (or something like that). His homework is so much easier than mine. He just has to watch YouTube clips of musicians all day. In his defense, he actually has to study music, so I guess it's all right. Anyway, he said, "Tyler, come in here." I went. He showed me a video of some guys playing this song. Then we just played it. Random. Cool.

The human squeegee

Tonight Jory and I had to run to the store to grab some punch for the ward fireside. It rained earlier today, so the windows on my car were wet. We were pulling out of the driveway when I noticed that I couldn't see out of my rear window because it was all covered in water and condensation.

"I'll go wipe it off," said Jory.

"Ok, but not with your body", I responded.

What I meant was that I didn't want Jory to inconvenience himself by using his hands or sleeves to wipe off my car. (He is known for scraping off frost and snow with his credit card.) That was what I meant. Jory saw this poorly worded comment as the perfect opportunity to be ridiculous.

I shook my head as I watched Jory jump repeatedly, belly flopping onto the rear window of my car and slowly sliding off. He effectively used his hoodie (and his entire body) to wipe off the window. Good work, Jory. And good laughs.

Impromptu cheese party

Take a good, long look at that picture. If I had any say in what Heaven will be like, this would be my first proposal.

For about a year now, I've been telling people how much I want to throw a cheese party. I've talked about fine cheeses, grape juice, tuxedos, and live music. I haven't actually done anything about it, though.


Tonight, the planets aligned. That's the only explanation I can think of. There I was, standing there in our dirty downstairs kitchen. I was dressed in my pajamas and still recovering from a nasty case of the flu. This is when I realized that I have everything I need (minus the music and the tux). I turned to Jory (who is always standing somewhere in my immediate vicinity when I get these kinds of epiphanies) and told him to close his eyes. I did some digging and found two chocolate covered strawberries in our fridge and a tube of Ritz crackers in my bedroom. He was delighted. These extra goodies perfectly complemented the three cheeses (that were neither cheddar NOR american) that we happened to have in our fridge and the jar of fresh, home-made grape juice my mom dropped off today.


I apologize to those to whom I have long promised a cheese party. This one just kind of happened.


Also, I think there needs to be qualifications for attending such a party. I used to assume that everyone could appreciate cheese. My naive dreams were crushed when I shared a piece of Gouda cheese with Jon this evening. He said, "It tastes just like cheddar."